Coming out stories
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(59)Coming out story:
I struggled with my sexuality as a young child. and it followed me through my teens and as a young adult. I came out to my friends first. At 22 I was head over heels for my best friend and was claiming I was bi, we had a interesting friendship to say the least. I got married the next year at 23 and came out to my husband as bi, but began to notice I was not just attracted to women and men but to trans and nonbinary people as well. I came out as Pan 4 years ago. I came out to my mom and dad two years ago and they both laughed at me and said they knew when I was five. They were very accepting š
Pansexual, 30, United States
Coming out story:
After a series of events, I ended up in a mental ward in 2018. Realized I wasn't doing well, I made things worse for myself by entering a period of self loathing and sabotage thus was diagnosed with psychosis. My family helped me a lot during this time until I was out of the ward. I think the psychologist may have talked to my mum as out of the blue in 2020, she asked me if I wanted to change my name which I told her I would like to. I came out soon after to my sister who was the first person I told. She has been quite supportive and recently bought me a leg mask. She has helped me instill a confidence that I did not have before. I began using female pronouns at my previous workplace. I hope to begin medical transitioning by 2024.
Lesbian, 36, Australia
Coming out story:
Funny enough I didnāt really get a chance to ācome outā . Around the time oovoo (online chatting) was a thing I was in a āintimate ā relationship with about 3 girls from school . I was only 12 so nothing tooo intimate but enough to kno I wanted to sleep with woman . Turns out my stepmother got curious on my social life and read through all my messages and photos !!!! IT WAS CRAZY . She ended up telling my whole family like it was a bad thing . She assumed I was trying to be down with the trend . Looking back it would have been pretty cool to grow the confidence on my own and tell the world but the way they reacted I probably wouldnāt have ever told them š .
Describe, 25, United States
Coming out story:
When I was 18, I was kicked out of my parents' house and forced into homelessness. I lived in hotels until what little money I had left ran out, then I stayed at the homeless shelter. It was during this rough time that I came out as bisexual. My family of course didn't support me, and I lost contact with my younger sisters because my mom thought I was a bad influence. To this day, I still haven't talked to them because of her. I currently live with my boyfriend of a year and two months, and he supports me unconditionally.
Bi, 22, United States
Coming out story:
Around 14, secondary school, i fancied my best mate. We had a lot of chemistry and spark and weāre inseparable but I think she was embarrassed by either her feelings or by what people thought. Somehow the whole year found out that 1. I liked girls and 2. I fancied her.. kinda got bullied for a while but that was a standard. In the end it made me who I am and I was able to explore at a younger age which was a godsend really.
Lesbian, 26, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
I am just coming out to my family at age 19... Well yes...I always born to be a lesbian and never have a relationship with boys either...As here in my country its not appropriate... My family, they hate me so much... They even asked me to move out from our house.... But its ok... Its my choice and my responsibilities.... I am very happy and ready to start my journey.... I dont even mind to move out from my country for the right person
Lesbian, 20, Indonesia
Coming out story:
This is my story. Before, i used to hide my identity. The real me. I pretend to be that person my family wanted me to be. And then i realized that i'm not really happy then I talked to Mom and I chose to tell her that i'm bisexual instead of fabricating stories and answer those irrelevant questions regarding my relationship status and tell lies about my sexual preference. There is nothing to conceal, there is nothing to be afraid of, be true to yourself. And prove the world that success and happiness don't depend on gender. It depends on how you treat others and how we open our minds and understand the fact that we have different traits, race, stories, feelings and decision. We are all unique. We are all different. I am a member of LGBT community and i dont see anything wrong with that as long as you work hard for your dreams, helping your family, Godfearing and you dont hurt others...
Bi, 23, Philippines
Coming out story:
I dated men from age of 15 to 27, and each relationship ended not more than 6 months. At age 28, I fell in love with my first Russian gf.when I lived in the USA. It felt so different, It felt so real in love, I never felt that connection with my ex-boy friends. With her everything was fabulous. We dated for more than one year, but sadly we broke up for some reasons. Long short story, we parted after two and half years together, we returned to our each country in 2011, since then I am married to my job and career, while she is married to a man. Here I am, alive, single forever bringing with me our memories and scars. However, I am willing to step forward, spending my rest of life, flowing like water, following an endless path, scaling the earth, hoping to see the cupid arrowing my heart.
Queer, 45, Indonesia
Coming out story:
I grew up in a super religious household/family, with a dad who was a pastor, so I was told how wrong it was for two people of the same sex to be together. When I got into 5th grade I went to a Cristian school & i got my first secret GF. I transferred to a public school for 6th grade & my parents started heavily shoving religion down my throat so I tried dating guys to push their narrative of a āgood Christian girlā. I still dated girls secretly, but publicly was only guys as I was terrified of being kicked out of my home for being gay. I came out to my close friends as gay in 6th grade, came out as ābisexualā to my parents when I turned 18 to see how theyād function (I was moved out by then) & at 20 i finally came out to my parents & my whole family as a lesbian. They didnāt & still donāt like it but I love who i am!
Lesbian, 26, United States
Coming out story:
I was 26, so last year. I had recently ended a 10 year relationship with a man. Iāve always been bicurious & have hooked up with girls before in threesomes. I met Johana at my work. I instantly liked her. We started talking, then dating, then she was always sleeping over at my house; whom I share w my mother. One day my mom said āYou & Jo are together huh?ā & I said āYeaaa ā¦ I really like her.ā & I wasnāt nervous. I knew my mom would be supportive, & she was. She said āI didnāt see this coming, but I really like Jo, & I can see how noticeably happier you are.ā And that was it. Jo & I have been togetherr for a year now!
Lesbian, 28, United States
Coming out story:
I have actually come out twice in my life. I really thought that I was Bi at that time. The first time was on my 16th birthday and I came out to my parents and my mom said to me that I was going through a phase. I asked her years down the road if she still thought I was going through a phase and she said not anymore. The second time I came out of the closet was just last year and I came out as a Non-Binary Pansexual. I came out to my husband this time and he was and still is so supportive just like my mom always was. He even decided that we would be in an open relationship so I could go find my future wife. All I have to say is I don't know how I got so blessed.
Other, 34, United States
Coming out story:
When I was 10 years old I had a big crush on my camp counsellor, at 12 I knew I was different, at 18 I came out to my friends, 1 never spoke to me again, 1 said she knew, others stopped talking to me but I guess they were not really my friends. I was fine with being a lesbian. At college a lesbian band came to our college to do a concert. I was with 2 other friends (also lesbian) and I yelled out to the lead singer, āI love you Lorraineā She smiled at me and my 2 friends said, āOMG Gilda, you just outed us to the whole schoolā. I smiled and said āso what, nobody caresā The auditorium was packed with students but no one gave me negative comments, some other women even smiled and cheered. Dykes, oh yeah! I have been that proud of my sexuality my whole life. I just donāt out others.
Lesbian, 59, Canada
Coming out story:
I was 16 years old when I came out. I was a tomboy. Did not like to play barbie dolls. Toy soldiers were my toys. One of the boys. Wrestled with my guy cousins. My dad wanted a son. So I was his buddy. I already knew that I am not into boys. Always have eyes on women. šµ I was born this way š¶š¶
Lesbian, 40, United States
Coming out story:
I know I was different from an early age & by the time I was a teen I knew that I prefer women. I have spent a long time toying with the idea that Iām on the bisexual spectrum as almost 98percent. But lately Iāve reached the conclusion that I would be happier with women romantically & sexually. So today I came out to my family. A lot of people whoāve known me a while already knew. So life begins here.
Bi, 46, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
So I was 28 and pregnant with my son. My friend asked me to go out with her for just one chance and if at any point I felt nervous or uncomfortable she would immediately bring me home. As soon as I got in the car with her that night, I never felt the same. We were married for eight years and she is still a mother to my child. We are still really good friends.
Bi, 35, United States
Coming out story:
I came out to my friends way before I came out to my family because my parents are very religious and I knew it would always be a problem!!! My parents heard me on a phone call saying a girl was sexy when I was about 15, totally freaked out! They suddenly encouraged me to be with this guy my mom set me up and within 6 months I was pregnant which would have never been ok if they didnāt suspect me of being a lesbian thatās how much they hated the idea of me being gay they signed for me to marry at 17 just to assure I wouldnāt and couldnāt be with a woman. My parents said if I promised to be with a man and really really try at it then they would accept me if it didnāt work out Everyone tried to ignore that until I of course ended up leaving him a couple years later!! I actually came out when I was 19, I brought my girlfriend at the time to my parents house and was so excited because I really liked her and thought if they saw me so happy that maybe they could accept and love me still?!? However my dad proceeded to tell me Iām going to hell & that Iād be better off if I was a murderer cause then I could still go to heaven!! They begged me to please try to be with a man even if it wasnāt what made me happy to do it for them? that my soul was in danger. (My parents were my heroās always close never apart really, they always trusted me and we had a bond more close then Iāve ever had). See my parents were very strict never letting boys come over etc I was very sheltered kept away from almost anything. Always did what they wanted and expected never anything for myself until this happened! Everyone told me theyād come around but they didnāt I had a daughter with the guy and he and my parents told me that if I was gay then I couldnāt have her that I would ruin her and she deserved better! Since I believed what my parents said and never disobeyed them I thought they would never lie to me I believed them that I was not fit and ended up with nothing all of a sudden. No car no job since I worked for my dads company being homeless and soon drinking for the first time then doing drugs to numb the pain and shame that would follow me still to this day!!and losing the most important part of me (my daughter! Due to my ignorance and not knowing that being gay didnāt make me sick or a danger to my own child. Itās been such a long journey of learning self love and trying to forgive the kid that I was so ignorant so gullible and trusting of my parents at 17 & had a daughter but was told and meant to believe that she was better off with me that I was disgusting and An abomination and that if I loved my daughter at all that I would save her from myself and let her be with anyone else that I would ruin her life!! Iāve finally 15 years later forgiven my parents and myself and am waiting for the day to try to to seek my daughters forgiveness. Coming out being a lesbian, has been the hardest thing Iāve ever done. It seems that itās effected my entire existence, took a lot of what I thought most people always had away from me at a young age! My parents love and acceptance and ever making them proud! As well as my own self love and most importantly my oldest daughter! It will always be a pain in my heart and soul. But I finally love who I am I love women and Iām proud of myself for coming out on the other side!
Lesbian, 37, United States
Coming out story:
I was in my mid to late 30ās when Iād come out to my friends and family. At the time I was too frightened to disappoint my family. I tried to live up to society and my families expectations. My family and friends now know and although some are not happy with it they love me unconditionally (Iāve been told) š
Lesbian, 44, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
Hi, my name is Hannah. I am a non-binary, bisexuality I am 37 years. My family was not happy at all when I came out, but my friends were a lot more excepting, I actually came out on Facebook
Bi, 39, United States
Coming out story:
When I was in middle school (age 13), I was dating a guy and he cheated on me (made out with) with another girl. He didn't want to dump either of us, so we all dated each other, I remember walking the halls of school holding both of their hands. And while I am not poly, it helped me realize I liked girls. From High School on, I have always preferred girls but for so long men were like the "default". I am now recently single and am free to be me completely. I had been married for 14 years of my life, so I'm scared but also hopeful for what my future will be.
Queer, 36, United States
Coming out story:
My story is complicated . since ı was a little ı know I have felt something different when saw a beatiful woman to me . If I have to decribe that feeling it was full of excitement and wonder . I had started too watch all the gayships videos , still I watch too .dreamt about female celebraties before the coming out .What makes this story complicated is that I have come out to my family expect my grandma cuz she will never understand my condition ,several times that I even forgot number of it . but Everytime I did those I have gotten a different reaction . Let me tell you some of the reactions that I have got : ā You dont know what you are talking about .I think U are just confused again ā ,ā It is a sin u know ā. once I tell my friend that about and she never ever talked to me again and I told my mom about it ,well my mom said to me that my friend is right . Nobody wants a Lgbt child. Ä°t hurt like so so much . They still trying manipulating me time time . so Now I feel nothing about everything . and questioning myself even more . but I remember one thing that they have said to me once . If I become queer then in their opinion I have to live it secretly cuz they said that I cant dishonour our family . so I am asking you guys how can ı find myself again ?
Queer, 23, Turkey
Coming out story:
I've not long come out as a lesbian. All my life I sort of felt "different" to other women. I've dated men and identified as bisexual in the past but my relationships with men ALWAYS felt... Empty. They were lovely people but SOMETHING was missing. I always somehow felt lonely. I'd get bored because we just wouldn't connect on the level that I realised I was even missing in the first place. My family are so SO supportive š„ŗ and my friends are amazing. I came out to my best mate, I was nervous as hell but she just looked at me and said "Meg I've known you were gay since we were sixteen years old! Everyone knew but YOU!" She gave me a big hug and I cried with relief. I'm so blessed to have the people and the unlimited support in my life that I have !!
Lesbian, 25, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
I was 22, and had been speaking to this gorgeous girl online, was a very complicated situation and we just couldnāt be together. We were both āin the closetā as such and hadnāt been with another woman before. She lived 2 hrs away and we had met up once and spent the whole weekend together and then we texted for ages. Then she was due to come stay at my house as I had invited āa friendā over, and the days leading up to her coming over we realised we could be together and I knew this was what I wanted. I remember she had told her mum the night before she was due to come, and I knew I would have to do the same, I woke up an hour before my alarm and could hear my mum getting ready for work in the next room so I got up and told her I had something to say. And I told her I wanted to be with this woman, and I burst into tears, but mum said she always knew. And she was very supportive and said as long as Iām happy she will always be happy no matter what, and then this girl came over and the next day asked me to be her girlfriendš„° and 882 days down the lineā¦weāre still together, engaged, and just bought our forever homeā¤ļø
Lesbian, 26, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
I was raised Mormon (of course, grew up in Utah) being queer was a major sin in the church and I was very confused and scared of feelings I had for women/femme people when I was young. I came out as bisexual when I was 17. I am so much luckier than most people because the majority of my family was supportive. I was in two long term relationships with cishet men. First one not good, second we were just friends but I didnāt realize. I finally came out as lesbian about 2 years ago. Everyone I told in person was absolutely not surprised at all, and I received a lot of support from my closest friends and most of my family. I know many people donāt have the privilege I did in coming out, but so much love to all of you. š
Lesbian, 26, United States
Coming out story:
I didnāt figure out I was gay until about the age of 32. I wasnāt in the closet or anything, but relationships never felt quite right. Once I figured it out, a lot of things clicked into place. The first person I told was actually my boyfriend. He was a great partner and so was super supportive. Weāre still friends. Fortunately I had long been an LGBTQ+ ally and had already argued my parents over back when I was in college. So when I told them, it was no big deal. I did lose some friends and itās hard visit my parents (they live in a red state), but all in all Iāve been very lucky.
Queer, 43, United States
Coming out story:
Hello! Itās my first time telling my coming out story, Iām kinda nervous but excited at the same time! Everything started in 6th grade when I saw I was different from my friends, every girl wanted the same things, dresses, makeup, and so on, something I didnāt quite enjoyed back then, I liked to play sports and spend time with the boys. I never knew these things will eventually bring me where I am today! I was in the second year of high school when I first liked a girl, not really like, but love her, sadly we couldnāt be together because I was afraid to be judged. After that I wanted to tell everything to my mom, because I knew she will understand me, as she always does! I told her āMom, I need to tell you something! I like girls too!ā. She was happy for me and that was such a relief! After all this I started to realise another thing, that I donāt like being called āladyā or āwomenā. I always like being addressed as āpersonā or āhuman beingā :) I told my mom everything and she was really supportive! I am happy I have her by my side! She is a blessing to me! Not so interesting story cuz Iām not good with words but yeah š
Queer, 21, Romania
Coming out story:
I came out to my friends early this year, and I told them that thereās a girl I like, that I really really like and that I think Iām into girls. I got a pretty āoh thatās coolā reaction so it was eergg
Questioning, 21, South Africa
Coming out story:
I was 17 when I told my dad I was lesbian, we went out, my dad and a couple of my guy friends to a lil Zimbabwean pub down the road from us at the time. We had a couple drinks feeling very good and decided to make a change to another place. When me my dad and my best guy friend at the time got in the car I felt it was the perfect moment to let him know. I looked at him and said b4 we go anywhere I need to tell you something and started crying, at this point he put his hand on my shoulder with tears in his eyes and said belle you can tell me, so I did and all he did was hug me tell me he was proud that I told him and that he always knew. Then he smiled and said letās go pick up some ladyās š¤£ him and my mom where divorced at this time.About 2 years later I had come out to the whole family. Luckily Iām not the only one in my family however the youngest to come out in my amazing and incredible family.š³ļøāššŖā¤ļøš³ļøāš
Lesbian, 37, South Africa
Coming out story:
I knew I was bi at the age of 12..I remember going to a choir festival for all schools in out town. There was a gurl about 3 years older than me playing a violin and she was gorgeous. I kept it quiet thereafter I had a baby at 17 then got married to a man and had two more babies š„°I used to hint about me liking girls too but it wasn't until we separated after 16 years of marriage that I found a an amazing woman who I fell in love with. So I took my daughter to my mom and dad's sat in the garden and just said "mom, dad I'm bisexual and I have a gf" my dad shrugged his shoulders and said "OK bab" and put his thumb up š¤£my mom said as long as she hadn't got to do anything she don't care š¤£š¤·āāļø now every member of my family know and they are just happy I am myself again š
Bi, 41, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
Hey all, i have made the decision to come out to others as a lesbian today. I told a few people before that are accepting and just told my brother who is also accepting. Any advice and encouragement?
Lesbian, 36, United States
Coming out story:
I came out through the medium of badges ā in true gay form... I ordered a handful of badges, most of them just feminist slogans like Iād done before, but this time I ordered an extra one. It was a badge that had a little line of tents in pride colors, and the slogan said, āIām camper than a row of tents.' When they were delivered, I took them to my mum to show her, keeping the pride one until the end. Once I got to that one, I held it up and waited for her to read and process it. When she did, she looked at me and said, 'Are you trying to tell me something?' I just nodded, and she pulled me into this really tight hug and said she loved me and supported me no matter what. That was two years ago, and this year, she and my dad told me that if Pride had gone ahead, they would have come to give free parental hugs to anyone whose parents donāt accept them for who they are.
Lesbian, 32, United States
Coming out story:
I coming out to my mom when i was 18-19. I was trying to give her clue that Iām gay. But sheās so freaked out and mad at me she slap me and said i was crazy this is a shame why am i being like this ? She always think that i am the mature one among all the siblings. Then she lock me in my room not allow me to school not allow me to go anywhere I always in my room. And sometime she bring me to pagoda she think that maybe i was process by evil spirit. But after sheās better I try to show her little by little that this is the way i am. I know what i want and i know what i am doing. Up until now I donāt know that she could accept it 100% or not but i think at least she can accept me the way i am.
Lesbian, 29, Cambodia
Coming out story:
I was in my teens when I first came out. I was not uncomfortable. I didn"t care what people said or felt about me, because their opinion doesn't make me or break me. I learnes to be happy and content with me. And not to worry about what others think. As long as your happy you keep shining and stand tall. No one can judge or tell you who to love..... The heart wants what the heart wants. I love all of my people who are gay. We shall stand united and nothing shall seperate us. Keep on doing you and being you.
Lesbian, 50, United States
Coming out story:
I JUST CAME OUT TODAY! well ,on social media still ! i have waiting to come because of being judged ,but ,i cant hide IM BI and ,HAPPY and ,PROUD TO BE BI!!!!š„²ā¤š§”ššššššš½š«š½š³ļøāš
Bi, 28, United States
Coming out story:
Iām mostly on here to just build my community I feel out of place in a sense. I grew up with majority of my friends being apart of the LGBTQ+ community but itās more limited it seems now. To the public I came out in 4th grade. I always knew I was attracted to women, majority of my relationships have been with women. I was really forced out of the closet to my family however because in high school I was private but posted everything on MySpace š©š lol so a friend of my brother told him, then my brother told my mom. I was terrified of coming out because I definitely had teachers in a public school telling me that I was going to hell. My girlfriend at the time and a couple friends had some pretty bad experiences with their families finding out so I was not ready. All the while my mom was just mad I was more comfortable talking to a world that did not accept me, rather than opening up to her when she supports me in all I do. So Iām thankful. I am still soul searching as I know I am heavily attracted to women but Iām also heavily in love with my boyfriend. So back to that statement of me feeling out of place, I was into people before labels existed, so am I queer? Bisexual? Pansexual? Child! Iām a person lol I like what I like lol.
Bi, 32, United States
Coming out story:
I was 15 when I came out to my parents. It didnāt go over very well so I was in the closet for a few years. I finally found the courage to come out publicly and then I met a girl who was in the closet and I had to kind of jump back in there with her...for 9 years! Iām never going back in that closet. Ever.
Lesbian, 55, United States
Coming out story:
Well I discovered I was a lesbian when I was 10 years I really crushed on my class teacherš she used to wear short dresses and I could feel some type of way that I couldnāt explain by then. Damn I just loved being around her until when I actually realized I was interested in girls. So itās really natural for me to kiss a girl or woman that I really feel for. I could make you fall in love with me try it.
Lesbian, 23, South Africa
Coming out story:
I canāt really say I have an exciting coming out story. My mum is a lesbian and has been married to my step mum for 20 years and my Nan was with a female for 15 years. Iāve known for a long time that I was attracted to women but was definitely in denial about it. I think because I was bullied growing up about my mum being gay I was worried . Then one day 2 years ago I kind of just said to mum that I was gay and she told me she already knew lol.
Lesbian, 33, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
I was 7 when I first discovered my sexuality, I was always attracted to girls the first person I came out to was my friends who were so supportive, my parents took some time but they came around. When I was 7 I was over playing with one of my friends and she kissed me we were confused but we liked it lol, when I got older I had my first sexual interaction with a girl at 12 yes 12. Ever since I was always into girls
Lesbian, 22, United States
Coming out story:
I was 33 when I realised I was bisexual. I had always liked women but it only really clicked when I read through some old diaries and I mentioned a woman I really liked. It sounds odd I know but I didnāt realise that these were not the sorts of feelings that everyone gets. I thought every woman had these ācrushesā on girls. When I saw it in my diaries it all just clicked in my head. I went online to find support but struggled to find anyone I could talk to. I read stuff online and decided I wanted to talk to my husband about it. I was too anxious to tel him in person so I spoke to him via text. I thought he would think I was being silly or be angry. He was completely supportive and said he had always known it about me! (I wish he wouldāve said something years before š) I have since came out to a friend who is lesbian. She was so encouraging about it. Iām still coming out elsewhere like at work and in my social circle but I feel better having experienced understanding responses so far.
Bi, 38, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
I had a horrible coming out story. My father disowned me right on spot. I didnāt speak to him from 14-21. My mom would constantly kick me out and abuse me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. When I went to college I never looked back. Over time they both have grown but they still have far to go.
Lesbian, 29, United States
Coming out story:
I was 34 when I came out. Moved to Stockholm to educate myself. There I knew there were places for lesbians to meet. Made entrance at Timmy which was open to girls on Thursdays. Be so nervous. There was someone who introduced me to some women at a table. It was a nice evening and I exchanged phone numbers with a woman I liked. We continued to meet and love began to sprout. I was so uplifted by all the emotions, my God. We went to a private party together, I had bought a wine that I knew she liked. That night we followed her to her apartment. I will never forget the experience of having sex with a woman for the first time. The next day I was so dizzy that when I was going home I went to the wrong subway. Finally I had found the right one, there was not the slightest doubt. Now it remained to tell those who were important in my life that I had found love. Love made me strong and it was time to stand up for who I am. Of course it was not easy but for me there was no turning back, now it was my life that was important.
Lesbian, 72,
Coming out story:
I came out when I was 18 years old I went through all the rollercoaster of emotions being I came from a religious background of Jehovah witnesses I felt and knew there was something different about me tired of living a lie and not being happy true to myself I decided that this is the one thing in my life that I wasn't going to let anyone else control
Lesbian, 46, United States
Coming out story:
I haven't had the courage yet because of the country am living same sex relationship is prohibited and anybody see practicing it will be mailed for 14yrs
Lesbian, 25,
Coming out story:
Am 27 years old and am 100% lesbian.....yes at first it wasnāt really easy for me to be proud about it because of people around and how they treated my type but I kept being myself and never listened to what people are saying as time goes on my friends started getting use to my choice of life and we are all happy they respect my decisions and I do same to theirs too
Lesbian, 31,
Coming out story:
I went on National television in a tuxedo (with a bowler hat) and surprised my girlfriend by professing my love to her n tv and singing Nat King Cole āWhen I fall in loveā
Queer, 37, South Africa
Coming out story:
Iām 19 when I came out with my lover we met at at place and had dinner I was happy and felt alright but we didnāt end well she was not understanding at all but she did cared for we did care for each other all of a sudden we were back together as one so she passed out and I was so sad š I cane out on this app
Lesbian, 33,
Coming out story:
The time I actually came out to my parents was around 2016. When I was 17 my mother went through my phone and that's when she first found out. It was such a wrong thing to be and a shock that when I came out in 2016 , because I was on a longterm relationship , she react like it was the first time.
Lesbian, 30, United Kingdom
Coming out story:
I haven't had the courage yet because of the country am living same sex relationship is prohibited and anybody see practicing it will be mailed for 14yrs
Lesbian, 25,
Coming out story:
I come out as lesbian trans* woman last year in june 2020 with the age of 33 years. The first time I thought about something was not right with me was when I was a child and prayed to the moon that he should transform my body into a female one. After many nights nothing happened. The years passed by and a couple of times I said to my psych and brain that it should please transform my body. Within the next years I started to accept that it won't happen. Sometimes I wore the clothes of my sister secretly. Problem was that she was younger then me and the clothes have been to small. I started to accept myself as boy and tried to fit in. In the school I have been more comfortable around girls but had to get stronger because of the violence of some boys. I was happy about the strength that I had achieved and curious about what a body is capable of. For many years strength and power was highly connected with masculinity for me. I moved out in the age of 18. Started to buy female clothes and wear them secretly at my home. But it felt wrong for me because I had incorporated the norm that men don't wear something like that. It was kind of a battle with myself. So I throw them away, bought new, wore them, threw them away, bought new...and so on. Through a school mate I got my first porn on CDs with almost everything what there have been. Due to that I saw for the first time a trans woman, tough it wasn't called that way. But the image of that women resonated a lot within me. I started to search about information about that which was not so easy in 2003 or 2004 as now and the results were really limited. I found out that there is a way through operations to become a woman when born male. But for me I denied that, because I don't wanted to be some fetish phantasie of men. Plus I thought, that I never would be the woman I would have been when I were born as girl from the beginning. These days I'm so happy and proud of all the trans actors, activists, politicians etc. beeing visible out there and who are so important as role models! Some day (after many thoughts) it came to my mind that my sex/gender should not limit myself to wear female clothes or wear make-up. And so I started to mix and match mens and womens clothes. People started to ask me if I am gay what I denied because I was into women. Also the clothes I'm wearing and that I do make-up have nothing to do with my sexuality I said several times. I found it interesting that people tought that way and also got irritated by me and ask me many times if I am a man or a woman. After couple of times I asked them back instead of answering their question, why it matters to them and what they would prefer. But I also felt that I enjoyed it beeing read as a woman by others. With my study of sociology and gender studies I began to deconstruct sex and gender, and in the end myself. I defined myself as a genderqueer man and wanted to challenge gender stereotypes and viewing habits in the everyday life and trough modeling. That time of my life was the first step to become more myself. But something was still missing. Sometime I started to go out as a woman. Not in drag. Just as the woman I would love to be and felt inside me. I bought some small silicone breasts for that purpose. I felt so happy and as myself when I was looking in the mirror at these times. After coming back from the parties I put down my wig and my breasts. And that felt like I was ripping off something of my body. Something what should have been there all the time. I got really sad about that. More and more with every time. So I stopped going out as woman. But the feeling that I am a woman didn't disappeared. I thought all these years that I had overcome the binary of gender and when I would came out as a trans woman like many other genderqueer people I knew and followed through instagram I felt that I prooved myself wrong. It was a hard theoretical battle in my mind. In the end I came to the conclusion that I have to do what feels right for me and not to fullfill my own or others theories and that I won't proove that theories wrong when coming-out as a trans woman. I guess my psychotherapy helped me also a lot to get to that point of view. So I made up my mind and made a plan about when to tell whom that I am a trans woman and that I still desire women. Like a project with milestones. First I told my girlfriend, then my family and closest friends persobal and through telephone, my team at work and wrote an e-mail to my company before going in holidays for three weeks, so they had time to get used to it. After I came back, I posted my coming-out on facebook. I don't wanted to hide it and stay true to myself. The reactions have been really positive and supportive. Guess, I gathered the right people in my life. But also many said things like "I always thought something like that" what is meant to be nice but it also took a huge part of my journey and inner battle away from me. For me it wasn't so obvious. The time of the coming-out was really emotional and also the hardest decision in my life so far. But it was right and I hope to inspire others who are still struggling with their coming-out to find the power to do so. So last point: What has changed after my coming-out? My girlfriend and I "broke-up" or more transformed our relationship to friendship quite a year after my coming-out. After all, that was a real hard time for both of us and still is. But we try to focus on the beautiful five years we had and try to find a new way for us to don't get separated from each others life too much but handle the pain and sadness at the same time. My father still don't accept that and questions my decision like there are just boys and girls and you can't change. Maybe he needs more time for understanding. With hormontreatment my body changes more and more to the way I feel it and also I feeling more as myself with every day. Lesbian dating as a trans woman without any surgeries till now is not always easy but my experiences so far is that beeing complete open about that I am a trans woman really changes a lot. So just women who are okay with that like and match me, with a few exceptions. But then the key is a respectful communication about it. I know that women who are into women may desire a certain type of body parts/kind of standard configuration and that mine differ from that or in my view add some variety to it. But at least be respectful as a cis woman to trans women and vice versa. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable and try to avoid situations like that with being open about my transness and so maybe you could also be open and clean about what kind of women you are into: just cis women, or cis and trans women, all women* or FLINT? For me trans women are women. But I also feel that I got insecure when I don't know for sure what you understand by women and then don't swipe to the right. And that don't feels so good. Communication and visibility is so important. As a woman and as a lesbian. And that includes lesbian trans women as well. And that's why I'm sharing this as part of my coming-out story and experiences.
